Fish Tank

Greg · 06-19-2007, 11:44 AM

Fish Tank

I found it! Oscar lives again! Hooray!

And not only did I find it! I also found the HTML version, as it appeared on tale.com so many years ago! I've reworked quite a bit of the HTML, but having a starting point saved me hours of work to get this story on line.

Click on the banner to go to the story.

This is not a Sims story and it has no illustrations. This is a science fiction novella, originally published in the June 1995 issue of Analog magazine. It got bumped off the cover by the Black Horse rocket, but nevertheless Fish Tank went on to win the Anlab award for best science fiction novella published in 1995.

Careful now; this is a 20,000-word novella. Unless you read very fast, don't plan to read the whole thing in one sitting.

Amusement: The artist who did the interior illustrations for the magazine (whose name just won't come to mind at the moment darn it) spent a week painting a really magnificent cover painting for this story. Even though it wasn't published, the painting fetched at auction about twice as much money as I was paid for the story.

If you spot any typos or formatting errors, please let me know, preferably in this thread. This version was made from my original manuscript, but I do know that the editor at tale.com fooled with it some. (Much to my annoyance at the time.) As far as I know, the changes were all in the punctuation, but you never know, y'know.

I hope you enjoy Fish Tank!

Fish Tank, Copyright ©2007 by Gregory Bennett. All rights reserved.
This story may not be published or distributed in any form whatsoever.
I'm deadly serious about this one, so don't even think about it.

Of course, if you'd prefer to read paper, you're welcome to print out one copy for your personal use only. It should print quite nicely.

Miros1 · 06-19-2007, 11:48 AM

Nit #1. Your copyright notice should read "1995-2007" or "1995, 2007."

You know what's funny? Last week I was thinking it was too bad this story wasn't still online!

Greg · 06-19-2007, 11:50 AM

And next week you'll be thinking that it's too bad that it is!

Miros1 · 06-19-2007, 12:49 PM

Lol, not yet!

Nit #2: "Her elbow banged into the wall" and the next paragraph sez she's got spines in her hip.

Greg · 06-19-2007, 01:01 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Miros1

Lol, not yet!

Nit #2: "Her elbow banged into the wall" and the next paragraph sez she's got spines in her hip.

I think that one is OK. The whole sentence is "Her elbow banged into the wall, and it felt like something else bit her, worse than before, something with a thousand stinging teeth chewing into her hip."

It might be a little unclear that when her elbow hit the wall, she also felt something else hit her lower down.

Miros1 · 06-19-2007, 01:04 PM

Ok, I'm on the next page, I won't go back to check.

Nit #3: "More than once she had put her suit into a tumble, and every time Oscar went crawling around" I think you should remove the "and" for a more fluid construction.

Nit #4: "talking that nice old man" needs "to" between talking and that.

Greg · 06-19-2007, 01:52 PM

Hmm... nit #3 would result in a comma splice, but I fixed #4.

Miros1 · 06-19-2007, 02:12 PM

I was thinking the first part of #3 was a dependent clause. Not sure why.

Greg · 06-19-2007, 02:27 PM

Maybe because by the strict rules of commas, there should be a comma after "More than once."

Miros1 · 06-19-2007, 07:24 PM

Ah ha! That could be it!

Greg · 06-20-2007, 04:27 AM

I checked over the story again; couldn't resist tidying up some punctuation problems and a couple of said-bookisms.

06-19-2007, 11:44 AM	#1
Greg Da Guy Wut Owns Dis Joint Join Date: Mar 2007 Location: Texas Posts: 3,566	Fish Tank Fish Tank I found it! Oscar lives again! Hooray! And not only did I find it! I also found the HTML version, as it appeared on tale.com so many years ago! I've reworked quite a bit of the HTML, but having a starting point saved me hours of work to get this story on line. Click on the banner to go to the story. This is not a Sims story and it has no illustrations. This is a science fiction novella, originally published in the June 1995 issue of Analog magazine. It got bumped off the cover by the Black Horse rocket, but nevertheless Fish Tank went on to win the Anlab award for best science fiction novella published in 1995. Careful now; this is a 20,000-word novella. Unless you read very fast, don't plan to read the whole thing in one sitting. Amusement: The artist who did the interior illustrations for the magazine (whose name just won't come to mind at the moment darn it) spent a week painting a really magnificent cover painting for this story. Even though it wasn't published, the painting fetched at auction about twice as much money as I was paid for the story. If you spot any typos or formatting errors, please let me know, preferably in this thread. This version was made from my original manuscript, but I do know that the editor at tale.com fooled with it some. (Much to my annoyance at the time.) As far as I know, the changes were all in the punctuation, but you never know, y'know. I hope you enjoy *Fish Tank!* Fish Tank, Copyright ©2007 by Gregory Bennett. All rights reserved. This story may not be published or distributed in any form whatsoever. I'm deadly serious about this one, so don't even think about it. Of course, if you'd prefer to read paper, you're welcome to print out one copy for your personal use only. It should print quite nicely. Last edited by Greg : 06-19-2007 at 11:50 AM.

06-19-2007, 11:48 AM	#2
Miros1 Goddess for Life Join Date: Mar 2007 Location: NY State Posts: 3,303	Nit #1. Your copyright notice should read "1995-2007" or "1995, 2007." You know what's funny? Last week I was thinking it was too bad this story wasn't still online!

06-19-2007, 11:50 AM	#3
Greg Da Guy Wut Owns Dis Joint Join Date: Mar 2007 Location: Texas Posts: 3,566	And next week you'll be thinking that it's too bad that it is!

06-19-2007, 12:49 PM	#4
Miros1 Goddess for Life Join Date: Mar 2007 Location: NY State Posts: 3,303	Lol, not yet! Nit #2: "Her elbow banged into the wall" and the next paragraph sez she's got spines in her hip.

06-19-2007, 01:04 PM	#6
Miros1 Goddess for Life Join Date: Mar 2007 Location: NY State Posts: 3,303	Ok, I'm on the next page, I won't go back to check. Nit #3: "More than once she had put her suit into a tumble, and every time Oscar went crawling around" I think you should remove the "and" for a more fluid construction. Nit #4: "talking that nice old man" needs "to" between talking and that.

06-19-2007, 01:52 PM	#7
Greg Da Guy Wut Owns Dis Joint Join Date: Mar 2007 Location: Texas Posts: 3,566	Hmm... nit #3 would result in a comma splice, but I fixed #4.

06-19-2007, 02:12 PM	#8
Miros1 Goddess for Life Join Date: Mar 2007 Location: NY State Posts: 3,303	I was thinking the first part of #3 was a dependent clause. Not sure why.

06-19-2007, 02:27 PM	#9
Greg Da Guy Wut Owns Dis Joint Join Date: Mar 2007 Location: Texas Posts: 3,566	Maybe because by the strict rules of commas, there should be a comma after "More than once."

06-19-2007, 07:24 PM	#10
Miros1 Goddess for Life Join Date: Mar 2007 Location: NY State Posts: 3,303	Ah ha! That could be it!

06-20-2007, 04:27 AM	#11
Greg Da Guy Wut Owns Dis Joint Join Date: Mar 2007 Location: Texas Posts: 3,566	I checked over the story again; couldn't resist tidying up some punctuation problems and a couple of said-bookisms.